There is a thing your colleague does that is quietly hurting them. Everyone has noticed. Nobody has said it, because saying it is awkward, and so the kindest team in the world lets someone walk around with spinach in their professional teeth for a year.
Silence feels polite. It is actually the least kind option on the table.
Why do we sit on feedback we know would help?
Because feedback feels like conflict, and most of us would rather absorb a problem than start one. So we hint. We sigh meaningfully. We hope the problem attends a webinar. Meanwhile the person keeps doing the thing, in front of people deciding their future, and nobody who could fix it says a word.
Clear beats comfortable. Every time.
Clear is kind. Vague is just comfortable for you.
Feedback lands in proportion to how much someone believes you are on their team. Build the rapport before you need it. That is the whole play.Ness, founder of Good Chat
How do you say the hard thing?
- Ask permission first. “Can I share something I’ve noticed?” A yes turns feedback from an ambush into an invitation. Almost everyone says yes.
- Describe the behaviour, not the person. “In meetings you cut people off mid-sentence” can be fixed on Tuesday. “You’re a bad listener” can only be defended.
- Finish with belief. “I’m only raising it because I know how good you are.” Feedback wrapped in belief gets used. Feedback wrapped in judgement gets buried.
Can I share something I’ve noticed?
What happens when you actually say it?
Usually something surprising: relief. Most people half-know their blind spot and have been waiting, braced, for someone to be straight with them. You have one slightly sweaty five-minute conversation, and in exchange they get to stop sabotaging themselves in every meeting.
Used the Teams deck for our final team meeting of 2025. It was the perfect way to close out the year together. Meaningful and memorable.Cam, in a five-star review of the Teams deck
The awkwardness of honest feedback lasts five minutes. The cost of silence compounds for years. Choose the five minutes.
